Happily fit.

Nothing too deep or personal here.
Just happy I've been able to stick to my bulk and fitness routine with out swinging to one side or another.
All my lifts have improved, I can visibly see myself getting bigger and it just motivates me to continue on this path.
It's a big leap from my intense calorie counting and just plain not enough food days late last year. Looking back I guess running 8-10 kilometers every day at an insane pace was pretty impressive but I did it everyday...and for like 4 or 5 months. I dropped down to 150 pounds (I now am 180) and was pretty darn thin. Luckily I smartened up before I became insanely skinny but the issues with self image were very much alive during that period and I feel like that pressure and anxiety is off a lot.
I mean the pressure still bugs me every once and a while but it won't stop me from eating in proportion to my activity level to maintain a balance knowing I am on the right track.
Basically I am comfortable with my physical self. More comfortable then I have been in a long while.

Townes Van Zandt.

Hey Sun

Sun, You just aren't so warm right now,
I'm going to have to wait until summer.
Then it'll be just be me, you, the beach, and any crabs
that decide to come out from the rocks.
I wonder if crabs like the sun too.
They huddle together under rocks...
is it because they want to be warm
or is it just because they want to be close to other crabs...

PS Google horse shoe crabs and read the wiki.

Thank you 90's

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road...
I was called a weird boy two nights ago.
Not in a particularly nice tone,
not in a particularly mean one either.
I sat on this quite literally for 10 minutes
,after watching a brainless movie at the Avalon with the majority
of people who read this, on my couch at home in my basement.
I listened to the water dribble in my fish tank that I haven't regularly maintained
since I set it up while staring at a screw that used to hold one of the skateboards my older brother had worn down when he was still interested in skateboarding.
I am now running my hands through my wax filled hair.
I am now starting to feel my toes get a little cold.
I am now thinking did that opening line to this blog totally undermine everything written after it?
I am now thinking why is blogging considered a legitimate form of self expression and self examination.
Is weird bad?
Was going to a grade 7 dance and staring at the disco light for two hours because I said I could do it and knowing full well no-one would dance with the weird kid effective at all as a protest? Did the neck cramp that followed for two days worth the attempt at fitting in with a crowd best left unfitted worth it?
Why fit in at all?
with anyone?
I am thinking does this blog fit in with blogging?
Should I have put this in pen and paper? would that make it a more legitimate self reflection?
Or is this another chance for me to stare at a dangling light for two hours while my neck gets sore?
I am thinking will this mean anything more to anyone besides myself?
Will it cause self reflection in the reader? Will it cause comments like,
"if you need to talk?"
I would talk if I needed to.
I am thinking a blog is time for me to talk to myself.
And I don't think I am very weird.
I am thinking this blog is done.

It's getting colder...

I going to start a novel.
I'll put bits of it in here as I flesh it out.
current progress is general story arc is figured out. some main characterization is complete.
I'd say 5-10% of the pre-planning is done haha.
what have I got myself into...
I project a completion date of end of summer next year...if not then, then the summer of the year after.
don't ask me for details... I literally only have the most basic of bones figured out and I might scrap it too.

Why is it you never see ladies that make suits?

Born of uninteresting lives, we have delved deep into the realm of cyberspace.
Creeping, lurking and stalking the corners are the depraved, sick and twisted...one can find the lowest forms of human life here. Blogging, this perversity is often characterized by a person laying in their bed laptop propped up on their laps as they sloth their way through their lives, neglect and procrastination staining their every decision. In these blogs the culmination of this neglect, this procrastination comes to fruition in the form of empty complaints about empty lives.
Some people might even take the time, rather, steal it away from something useful to create names or a layout to their blog.
Now littering this once idealistic and revolutionary cyber-scape is such insightful reads such as perezhilton and suckerpunchsweepstakes. Despicable. In the end one is truly left to wonder...was it worth creating the internet? Was it?

post apocolyptic posting

Chairman: HULLO!
Board of directors: We are eager and awaiting your next announcement it must be suitably delicious.
Chairman: DELICIOUS IT WILL BE MY FELLOW SQUIDULAR ATTACK BEASTS!*
Board of directors: (tentacles slap happily across their faces, much like a happy dogs jowls at the arrival of it's food dish creating a wet slapping sound. Their globular eyes form upwards half crescents in sheer ecstatic delight)
Chairman: (Pleased with the build he has created within his audience yet tentative to fully penetrate into the climax of informational frustration that has been carefully constructed with obnoxiously loud shouting) IT IS TIME TO PUT FORTH THE AGENDA!
Board of directors: Lather us with your thick oily agenda and coat us with it's terms
Chairman: TOMORROW THE TARGET* RECEIVES HIS FIRST LESSON IN A SERIES OF TRAINING ATTEMPTS SPANNING THE COURSE OF ONE MONTH. AFTER OF WHICH IT IS ASSUMED HE WILL BE AWARDED A PERMIT ENABLING HIM TO FREELY TRAVEL AS HE PLEASES WITH MINIMAL LIMITATIONS
Board of directors:( A thick juicy spurt squirts onto the table in a stream of phlegm originating from a directors head. He dies instantly. The cause is pinned on a rogue doughnut in the coffee room, despite the timing in relation to information that the directer had just received. His fellow directors descend upon his limp cooling corpse and recycle his nutrients in a matter of moments)
Chairman: NOT QUITE THE REACTION I HAD PLANNED BUT ONE A MILKY WAY GALAXY MORE EXCITING. I PLANETARY DIGRESS. HE HAS ALSO CANVASED HIS ARM IN A SUBSTANCE SIMILAR TO YOUR FACE DISCHARGE. WE PLAN THE TARGET TO HAVE COMPLETED HIS SKIN DEFACEMENT BY THE 13TH OF MARCH. THIS WILL CONFUSE AND SEGREGATE THE ENEMY!*
Board of directors: (Squid happily, black gooey circles stain their 2-3 button suits)
CHAIRMAN: I CALL THIS MEETING TO A CLOSE, WE'LL MEET AGAIN SHORTLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR COMPANY POSTS. (Chairman disappears into thick brown cloud, when it clears the chairman is gone. It can be assumed he is licking old books around town to spread his germs to the angry pseudo intellectuals)
Board of directors: (taking the suit of the fallen director they begin the regrowth process of a new director inside a tube of pure genetically modified gummy bears. Sentient to the point of knowing they are going to die)

1* work that into as many sentences as you can, I know I have.
2*Myself
3*Various stray vagabonds and hipsters